The new study reveals that 200 men in Turkey, overweight men with obvious bellies can last an amazing five minutes longer during sex than slim men. For the study, the team from Erciyes University in Kayseri, Turkey, looked at the correlation between body mass index (BMI) and male sexual performance. On an average, men with a higher BMI lasted an average of 7.3 minutes in bed. Meanwhile, the slimmer of the group hardly lasted two minutes and were more likely to suffer from premature ejaculation, says report. On an average, men with a higher BMI lasted an average of 7.3 minutes in bed. The slimmer of the group barely lasted two minutes and were more likely to suffer from premature ejaculation.
Every marriage beings with a dream-like honeymoon period. This period of time is rightly defined as the time of newly married bliss. The stars look brighter, the flowers smell more fragrant, you are in perfect harmony with your spouse and the world is a beautiful place. But slowly the magic starts to wear off and you have to come back to reality. The dreamy time in your marriage before you come back to the ground realities of life is basically referred to as the honeymoon period. This stage of your marriage can last from anything between one month to a year (depending on your luck). However, it can never go on forever. So, here some tell-tale signs to know that your honeymoon period is over. She stops dressing up like a movie star. When you are newly married, you are very keen to keep up appearances. It takes time to get out of the dating mode. So, you would probably see your wife all dressed up for you. But one fine day she is going to get tired of it and appear in front of you in a shabby dressing gown. That is the day your 'real' marriage starts. He talks about money. During the honeymoon period of marriage, your husband usually behaves like a millionaire. He will buy you gifts, take you out for expensive dinners and buy you whatever you ask for. But the day he starts talking seriously about saving money for the future, you know that drudgery of your marital life has started. You have your first real fight. It is not like you do not fight in the initial stages of your marriage. In fact, you might fight a lot during this time but you make up easily after a quarrel. But the real fights start after the magic of fresh love wears off. If you have not spoken to each other days or you actually walked out him after a fight, you are into the real challenges of married life. He/She goes for a night out with friends against your wish. In the early days of marriage, your spouse is the centre of the universe for you. You want to spend every waking moment with your newly married husband or wife. But finally, after a year or so, you start missing your friends. When your partner preferring to hang out with friends instead of getting cozy with you at home, you know that the honeymoon period has ended. You have not made love in a week and its okay. Newly married couples have a very physically intimate relationship. This solves a lot of the problems that the couple might be having otherwise. But, the frequency of lovemaking comes down as the days pass and initial addiction to physical intimacy makes way for a more stable kind of love. Did you notice these signs before the honeymoon period of your marriage ended?
Match, set, go... easier said than done. Here we list tips on ways to understand your partner better They say marriages are made in heaven. But then, there are also those made here on earth. Though an arranged marriage may feel like a pre-historic concept, such matches are still prevalent in society. Whether you marry someone you've fallen in love with, or someone your parents have chosen, as a couple you are bound to go through some ups and downs. It's just that if it's an arranged marriage, it may take you a tad longer to understand the thought process of your partner. If you are about to enter into an arranged marriage, here are some pointers you need to keep in mind: Pre-marital jittersPre-marital jitters are very common among couples who opt for an arranged marriage. And if you're experiencing them, ask yourself what is causing the anxiety. Among the most prominent reasons is the fear of sharing space and adjusting to a relatively unknown partner. Then, of course, is the fear of how to deal with a new family; how much you'd have to change your behaviour to adapt to their thoughts and habits. The best way to overcome this problem is by interacting frequently with your partner. It will put you at ease with your partner and also improve the intimacy between the two of you. Never complainAn arranged marriage means more responsibilities and expectations. Both partners are under pressure to make the marriage work. Your partner may not share all your likes and dislikes and his/her family may not follow the same values as yours. You may be constantly corrected about the way things are done in this house. Relax! Adjustment is the name of the game. Have a frank talk with your partner, list out your anxieties and figure out a way to do things without antagonising your new family. In the initial days of your marriage, don't take rude remarks or the seemingly harsh moves of your partner too seriously. Also, don't adopt the tit for tat philosophy. Stay away from troublemakers and look for allies. Also, don't complain or sound whiny to your partner. Remember, he/she is just as confused and nervous as you are. The magic of loveLove is that essential ingredient that can help both of you overcome hurdles. If love at first sight hasn't happened, don't worry. It may take time, but you will grow to love each other. Even if you're in love already, don't expect your partner to immediately reciprocate the feelings. Give him/her time and work on how you can earn his/her love. Be patient and don't get frustrated every time your partner says or does something wrong. Remember, marriage is like a whirlpool which takes one from a carefree world to a world filled with commitment and sacrifice; a world with love as its backbone.
When you fall in love, you cannot predict if it is good or a bad relationship. You just go with the flow and enjoy the company of your new partner. The feeling of falling in love takes its toll and you do not realise if you are in the right relationship or not. In the beginning, you will not give attention on anything about your partner, but with time, things change and the true colours come out. These true colours are not observed in the beginning as the traits are often ignored by everyone. We float in the pool of love and unknowingly encourage this attitude. Want to know the signs of a bad relationship? Read these... 5 signs of a bad relationship: Selfish: When a partner is selfish, you encourage or avoid in the beginning days of your relationship. You become blind as love is all over your mind. But, it is the beginning days or months were you need to analyze your partner and decide the future henceforth. If your partner is selfish and always talks about his/her likes and dislikes, it is a clear sign of a bad relationship. Dominating: There are many women who love to date dominating men. However, with the passage of time, this dominance makes you feel frustrated and trapped. In a relationship, both should be treated equals and the dominance should not exceed its limit. We all love little concern and care from our partners. However, interference and restrictions are not acceptable. Doesn't value you: When you start dating, your partner will either give loads of attention or treat you as a non-existing human being. There are many couples who complain that their partners do not value them as they did before. This can either be due to lack of interest or love. Many men or women date to fulfil their needs and once it is done, they do not bother or get bored of their partners. Violence: When your partner starts taking control over your life, you have to become alert. It s a sign of a bad relationship. Dominance is different from a complete controller. If your partner controls you in choosing friends, talking, behaving, dressing etc, take your time and think about it. Once he/she starts controlling you, you will become a puppet and become fake Moreover, many partners use domestic violence. If he tries to control you through physical abuse, it is a sign you reconsider your relationship. Many unsuccessful relationships: A person can have 2-3 unsuccessful relations in the past. But, when all relationships end in the same manner, you have to consider it as sign of a bad relationship that you would enter. For example, if your man had been dumped by 3-4 girlfriends in the past and he sites illogical reasons, you have to become alert. This is because not all women would dump your man if he is so good! These are few signs of a bad relationship. If you are into such a relation, think and consider your decision.
There is no such thing as a 'perfect couple' or 'perfect relationship'. It is only normal to have fights and arguments every now and then, up to a limit, and as long as later on there are no hard feelings, and everyone is happy with the solution. Here are 8 things to consider when there’s an argument with your partner: 1. Learn how to argue. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn’t want to hear said to you. 2. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each negative comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder. 3. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you should say what they want to let everything that’s bothering you out. But then both of you work together to find a way forward. 4. Accept the things that won’t change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life�"you decide whether to accept them or not. 5. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him�"and yourself�"a break and start again, with someone else. 6. Realize that the two of you will change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly �" at least once a year�"to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind. 7. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are unacceptable elements like drugs or violence, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you. 8. Don’t think that going to counseling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. And it can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.
Men and women are different. Thus, their likes and dislikes will also vary from each other. Hardly you will find a man and woman sharing similar things and thoughts. That is why, both are from different poles. What men like is hated by women and vice versa. The tiff between these two genders is never ending. For example, lets check out few things that men hate but women love. Watching soap operas: Men hate to watch those melodramatic soap operas that are filled with fiction. These not so natural stories and funny characters are hated by men but loved by women. Soap and serials are targeted for women and thus they love it. After returning from office, men find their women glued into the television screen. Men hate this girly habit. Reading romantic novels: Women are truly into romance. That is why, reading romantic novels or listening to die hard romantic tracks are their hobbies. Men hate to read romantic novels and find these books boring. This also causes a conflict in couples. Women are emotional so they prefer romantic novels over sci-fi movies or thriller books. Getting up on time: Most of the women love punctuality and are always on time. Men hate alarms, but women do not like to get delayed in their task. Thus, putting an alarm and getting up on time actively is something that women love but men hate. Gossips: This is a debatable point. There are women who feel that even men love to gossip. However, a man would never get into this girly habit of gossiping. Kitty parties, gossiping about not so close women or even friends are a hobby of a woman. Men hate this girly habit but women love it. Women feel that gossiping makes their day! Ladies night out: Men always desire to go out with their women and show off their male friends. But, women prefer hanging out with women. This is a common relationship problem that couples face while dating. Women might be committed but they also wish to spend time with their friends. Sometimes, men wonder why their women go for ladies night out. This also creates a doubt as to the woman is cheating on him. It is one thing that men hate but women love! Self-obsessed: Both men and women are self-obsessed but women tend to show it on the face. Jealousy, greed for appreciation etc shows a narcissist woman. Always complimenting a woman even if she is not looking good is something men hate. Love for kids: Women become mothers and they are attached to kids. From childhood days, you will find a girl getting too excited to hold a newborn baby. Women love kids and most of the men on the other side hate them. Pampering, playing and saying, "Oh he is such a cutie kid" is something men can't do. Men hate these things but women love them. Do you agree?
Sometimes less time can actually be a lot of fun. Find out how... Are hectic schedules ruining your sex life? Deadlines to be met and boss sounding you out every quite so often shouldn't play spoilsport when it concerns your sexual desires. So if you are out of time for a prolonged sexual session, have more fun with a quickie to get the adrenalin flowing again. Follow our users guide to indulge in a quickie. ElevatorRahul and Sonia, colleagues at a call centre swear by the benefits of intimacy in an elevator. Says Rahul, "It's a lot of a fun when you sneak out to the elevator. Making out there acts as a huge stress buster, especially when you are staying up nights continuously. You can always stop the elevator midway, do your thing and be back in seven minutes sharp. But be ready for the looks that your friends give you once you step back in. " Reiterates Sonia, "quickies are a lot of fun if you know what you want and how to go about it." Explains psychologist Amit Verma, "A five minute sex session is a good idea, so long you limit it at that. It is the best solution in a age when lack of proper sex sessions creates a lot of frustration and stress. Yet, I would still advise that when one indulges in such activities, it is best to be mindful of the people around as it might not have a great effect on children if they happen to catch you in the act. Doing it in an elevator is a good idea so long you don't hurt yourself in that rush. " Movie theatreA great place to get dirty down and under. Especially in empty theatres where you have a lot of space and lack of prying eyes. Reveals Jyoti Sharma, a student, "My boyfriend and I often hangout at movie halls. This saves us from getting caught and the intimacy we both crave for is what we can achieve in the last row seats. It's quite a kick when I imagine about all the things me and my lover have done at movie halls. With romantic songs in the background, it's the perfect setting for one to get cosy." According to Verma, movie theatres guarantee uninhibited privacy. But, if you get caught in the act, you might find yourself in a very embarrassing situation. "It's best to just find pleasure in touching each other and not experiment with intimate positions. Also, indulging in the act can be more enjoyable than the actual act itself. So why not explore these areas?" suggests Verma. Back of a club/restaurantBeing out on a hot date sharing your wildest fantasises with your dream boat is exciting, so if both of you are up for a quickie, head to the darkest corner of a nightclub, or even the bathroom, and get your bang on. "To have it on at a restaurant lends a great boost to one's sex life. Often it breaks the monotony and ups the desirability factor. Sometimes, I like to have these sessions with my wife, a quick one while heading back home, behind a club. It makes us feel young and bond with each other, the way we used to as teenagers," confesses Aakash Malhotra. "The dark areas behind a club, the staircase or some such place actually is a mighty turn on for your libido. The thing with couples is they should do what they both would enjoy sexually. If making out at the back of a popular night club or eatery facilitates their idea of bonding, then there is no harm. You might have people giving you curious stares, but being naughty at times helps," points out Verma. StairwellThe staircase in your office building could serve as the ideal place for a 1hot romp with your girlfriend. Rhea Kumar, a manager says getting it on in the staircase is a huge turn on. "This particular colleague of mine is a pro at quickies. A bang on at the staircase preferably on a really high floor can make you go crazy for a few minutes. It can make you feel very adventurous and desirable," she adds. Psychologist Sheetal Mehta however warns of the risks involved in getting dirty on the staircase. One wrong position and you could go tumbling down. "Stairacases are good fun, but do not go overboard with such places because you could end up hurting yourself beyond measure," she explains. CarSo it's not an original idea, but a quickie in a car, at a location where you won't be arrested for public indecency, can be a very memorable experience. Cars are not only spacious, but they remain the most wanted fantasy of most couples. Ravi Tanwar, a sales executive, totally swears by it. "My girlfriend and I do it in the car just before I drop her home sometimes. It is a lot of fun doing at deserted place with no one to disturb you. Also because of the limited space, you are almost bumping into each other and that definitely is a turn on that keeps us wanting to go on for more." Mehta agrees that cars and four wheelers can make you feel very romantic and good about yourself. "Getting intimate within four wheelers can do wonders to couples who go through a crisis or are in need of closeness with each other," she advises. AlleyThe narrow dark alley behind a restaurant or your workplace does sound like something straight out of a romantic thriller. And you can give it a shot as it's a good option for those who are wildly adventurous. "I like my man because he is very unconventional when it comes to physical intimacy. He gets utterly passionate in the most unlikely of places and we often end up feeling up each other in ways beyond our wildest imagination. Actually it brings all your dark fantasies to life," winks choreographer Anjali Menon. Even as Mehta agrees, she points out," Dark places are always best for those who want to be physical and do not have ample space outside. Yet 'is best to use your discretion about such places because you might end up with the wrong kind of people at the wrong time." OfficeSometimes sex within the office can make you a more fulfilled person. A 10 minute session with your girlfriend who also happens to be your colleague can make you a better worker with a sexually gratified existence. "I like to make out in the office for 5-7 minutes. It refreshes me and helps me concentrate better at achieving deadlines," reveals Shashi Gupa who works with a MNC. "Office make outs are very common in an age when people spend most of their time in office. Most indulge in it as a way to deal with work pressure," states Mehta. Dressing roomYou get all hot and heavy while your girl is changing in the dressing room of a clothing store? Well, why not just sneak in to give a kick to the monotony of a regular shopping spree. "I tried it once with my girlfriend when the salesperson was called away for a while. Imagine the fun you can have inside the changing room as there are mirrors everywhere. Seeing yourselves in the mirror can make you knees go jell,y so just think about all that can follow," says student, Siddharth Roy. "Dressing rooms are great fun if you can actually figure an entry. But these days, with a lot of strict rules and surveillance cameras inserted everywhere, you may be asking for a lot of trouble if you indulge in these kind of getaways. Infact, unless you are a compleibitionist, it's best not to get involved in all this," advises Mehta.
Professionalism has taken its position in the life of young minds. These days, both men and women are competing in the market to have a better and luxurious life. Gone are the days when women used to be housewives and men used to earn a living. Women of this generation believe that they study so hard to work as a professional and not sit at home like a homemakers. Sitting at home with a masters degree is not their cup of tea. These days even men want to marry working women who can support them financially and is also be independent. But, having a working wife has both pros and cons. Lets check it out in brief. Pros and cons of a working wife: Understandable: Working wife can be good for you if you are always busy with your office work. Busy professionals need a wife who understands their situation and doesn't fight. Late night meetings and working from home even after returning from office are a few routine things done by a busy working man. If you have a working wife, you will be benefited as she will understand your situation and cooperate. Supportive: A working spouse can be of great use when you are feeling down. Peer and work pressure can at times frustrate you and this can put you under depression also! If you have a working wife, she will be always be there by your side to help and support you when required. Same goals: This is one of the pros of having a working wife. You both will mutually have a set of goals for your future. For example, you two want to have a bright and luxurious future and for that, you need to save. Thus, you decide to earn and save. This common goal keeps the working couple together and also strengthens the relationship. Cons Lack of time: If you have a busy working wife, you would be at a little loss. While you can take out some time for your beautiful wife, she might be too busy to come and give you a peck! This is one of the biggest cons of having a working wife. She will not be free to spend time with family wholeheartedly. Even your kids get less time when both their parents are working. Complexity: Many working couples have some complexity problems with each other. If you are at a higher position than your husband and work just the double, you might risk your happy married life. This is a major relationship problem that working couples face. Male ego plays a strong role in bringing such gaps in a happy married life. There are very few men who take the success of their wife very joyously. These are few pros and cons of having a working wife. Do you have more points to add in the list? Share with us.
Every time we hear about a teacher student romance, there is a sharp intake of breath; then 'ooooo' and 'ahhhhhh' follows. A romantic relationship between teachers and students is not without precedence. In fact, it is one of those love stories that is straight out of the textbook. However, we are still shocked by a teacher student romance because it is one of those taboo relationships in our society. While a student is still immature and can get infatuated to his/her teacher, is it ethical for a teacher to fall in love with his/her student? On the occasion of Teacher's Day here is Boldsky's take on it. Why the student falls in love? Most of us idolise our teachers as adolescents. A confused teenager is disciplined by teachers, ridiculed by friends and often finds solace in a teacher. The teacher thus becomes that one adult who tries to understand them. It is not easy to find a friend in an adult and that element of friendship draws the student towards the teacher. Some teacher student relationships are like hero-worship. The student literally worships the teacher and that turns into a platonic love. Why the teacher reciprocates this love? Every teacher was once a student. That is why it is easier for them to understand how it feels to be on the otherside of the desk. Moreover, a teacher sometimes develop a sense of protective instinct for the student that is almost kin to love. However, there are some cases of teacher student romance where the teacher is just going through a mid life crisis and falls for a younger guy or girl. When is it unethical? If a teacher uses the devotion of student for his or her own ulterior motives, then it is not ethical. The relationship between a teacher and student should be selfless. A teacher must never manipulate the student for jumping into a romantic relationship. Having said that, teaching is a profession and falling in love with a student is unprofessional. A student must also realise that a teacher can never become an equal; they must always be held at a position of respect. If a student uses a teacher student romance as a means to secure good grades then it is sheer cunning. Why make a value judgement? We have often heard people say that a teacher-student relationship is sacred and must not be tainted with romantic love. So, does that mean that romantic love is unholy or disgraceful? Love is an emotion that is holy in every form. So even if a teacher student romance is taboo by social norms, it is sacred because it is 'love' nonetheless. So our message on the occasion of Teacher's day is that as long as love is pure and genuine, it needs no social justification.
Conflict is unavoidable but learning how to war right strengthens the relationship Arguments are unavoidable in relationships but how you fight makes all the difference. It may feel therapeutic for the moment to vent and give in to a verbal whipping, but it will only cause resentment and perhaps invite payback. Clinical Psychologist Seema Hingorrany places arguments in two categories - destructive and constructive. "Destructive arguments include elements of hostility and vengeance. You can have a constructive argument by sticking to the issue and dealing with it calmly. It prevents the argument from culminating into a major breach." The way we fight reflects how our parents dealt with issues. If you have a dysfunctional memory of your parents' fights, you will get defensive. If you're harbouring grudges against your parents, it can spill into your relationship, and intervention is crucial. Common mistakesPeople can resort to open and/or secret warfare. Open warfare is where you are aggressive and negative in approach, while secret warfare (e.g. silent treatment, stonewalling) is passive aggressive. Seema lists the errors one is prone to make in a heated moment: - Turning nasty, hitting below the belt or pointing out flaws. - Character assassination, raising your voice and hurting your partner's ego. - Digging up past incidents. - Bringing up partner's parents and say uncomplimentary things about them. - Volleying blame. - Constant stonewalling or giving the silent treatment. - Threatening to leave, which causes tremendous insecurity. Resolution techniques The goal of arguments should be to become more aware of the problem, instead of attacking the partner. Seema suggests these techniques to find the emotional balance: - Take a container each, label it and put notes about troubling issues in each other's container. It gives your partner time to process his/ her thoughts. - Do one activity together, e.g. bake or work out together. - Undertake calming exercises together — the Art of Living courses, meditating before sleeping, talking about the best places you have visited. Talking about something pleasant after the fight always works. Activating positive memories is the key. - Self-discipline is crucial. Accept that you cannot have a conflictfree relationship. Don't compare yourself to other loving couples. Don't say 'But my personality is like that'; make an effort to change that trait. You can't expect your partner to automatically understand what you are going through. Banging doors, public fights, etc. reach that level of catastrophe because you haven't addressed the issues. Modulate your voice and watch your body language. - Don't take your problems to bed. If it gets destructive (e.g. verbally abusive), declare a time-out. » Be relaxed and calm. The more you badger, the less your partner will be willing to talk. Avoiding confrontation is a part of some people's personality. Understand their personality and respect that. Sometimes writing a note, e-mail or a gold old-fashioned letter is the best way to communicate with a passive aggressive partner. - Never stonewall your partner. If you don't want to talk, step away but provide an explanation. - Avoid long gaps in a fight, otherwise your partner will hold grudges and resent you. - Never argue when you or your partner are tired or hungry. - Don't start the blame game; it will only make the other person defensive. Both of you can make a list of pointers that bother you and then deal with them diplomatically. - Women are wired to communicate; they need coping resources as the stress can lead to lack of sleep and loss of appetite. Journaling helps to contain the negativity. Cultivate new friendships and hobbies to put problems in perspective. - Emotional distance is crucial. If you're hyper, take a walk and come back. - Choose battles wisely. - Beware of magnifying or distort problems. Stick to the issue and keep the conflict specific. - Some people suffer from mood swings. Catch them in a good mood if you want to make a point. You can't change the core of a person, but learn how to work around it. - Respect the boundaries of the relationship. Do not discuss the issues with outsiders except for a commonly agreed upon mediator.
Gen-i has a new test for intimacy-sharing passwords. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't! A recent survey claims that 30% of teenagers who use the internet have shared at least one personal online password with a friend or a significant other. The study also says that girls are twice as likely as boys to give away their secret codes. Strange as it may sound, it is beginning to be considered as a sign of trust and intimacy among youngsters. BFFs share everythingThat girlie bonding between two BFFs ( Best Friends Forever) has now extended to sharing passwords. "My best friend and I share everything, and never keep a secret from each other, then why not our passwords? She checks my social networking page and informs me immediately if my crush comments on my picture, and I can check her mails and see which forward mail in her inbox I'd like for myself, etc. It's just fun," says Shweta Pahujani, 19, a fashion designing student. Some have a serious reason too. "Ever since that b**ch in my class blocked me from her Facebook list, I took my best friend's password to check her account for that girl's updates. She got clicked with my boyfriend... &%*#$..." details a livid Aakriti Menon, 16, a class XI student. Another curious case is of photographer Ayesha Sharma, 22, who feels that sharing passwords with her friend is important. Otherwise, who will keep her account active when she, ahem, dies? "I mean, people can refer to my account even after I am gone," she explains, "I share it with my best friend and I know she can be trusted. That way, maybe, I'd never die, at least not for my loved ones." Do you love me? Then give me your password.According to the study, passwords are being compared to sex in terms of intimacy and vulnerability. So, people need to share them to show that they trust their partner. More often than not, girls urge their boyfriends to share their passwords so that they can check if they're cheating on them, etc. The insecure ones even check their BFs' chat records to know 'woh us ladki se kya baat kar raha tha?' "We know each other's passwords and I love to scan every single chat of his. Somehow, it gives me peace of mind to know that he is loyal to me. Surprisingly, he does not even talk about me with his friends, something I thought he did," discloses Manjari Malhotra, 23, a content writer. But as researchers warn, password-sharing can have dangerous implications. "My girlfriend demanded my password, scanned my chats, and later broke up with me, 'coz she was upset that I complimented my female classmate. I'm not doing this ever again in a relationship," rues Shivam Singh, 20, a law student. Can't share your password? I'm breaking upHowever, some people might suffer a breakup only because they did not share their passwords. Ruchi Anand, 22, recalls, "My boyfriend wanted my Facebook password, and I didn't want to give it. I wasn't comfortable with letting him read my and my best friend's girlie conversations. Eventually, we broke up." What do they do with passwords?- "When I found out that my best friend was dating the guy I had a crush on, I forwarded the two's online conversation to my friend's mom. She got the lesson of her life." -"I learnt that my boyfriend was dating multiple girls. So I used his password and sent a hate mail to all those girls. They dumped him, I dumped him too. My revenge was over." -I sent a love letter to our class teacher from my ex's account. He still doesn't know who did it."
A relationship counsellor in Australia has suggested easier ways to break up with you lover, while showing respect to him or her at the same time. "Being told 'it's over' is never going to be great news no matter how it is delivered," the Sydney Morning Herald quoted Relationships Australia counsellor, Bill Hewlett. "But you can make it more comfortable to some degree." She suggests that relationship should be called off in person. Do not deliver the bad news by email or even worse, have someone else do it for you. "Ending it in person shows that you have respect for the person and the relationship," said Hewlett. Apparently, April 2 is the date that the more relationships fail than any other according to data released by Facebook which tabulated the number of status changes from 'in a relationship' to 'single' and 'married' to 'divorced' over 2010 and 2011. In any case, if you want to be one of the crowd, today is the day to break it off. Always resort to telling the truth. The tired cliche, 'it's not you, it's me' just doesn't cut it. Tell your partner, with decorum, why the relationship is not working for you. "Everyone needs closure," said clinical psychologist Jo Lamble. "We find it very hard to move on from a relationship if the reasons for the break-up don't make sense. It's far better to be as honest as possible, for the sake of the person you're rejecting." Delivering the news in the form of a feedback sandwich can alleviate the pain inflicted. It works by saying something nice, delivering the bad news and then finishing with a positive statement. "The person getting dumped is going to feel rejected," said Hewlett. "So it's important to give them some good feedback amongst the bad news." Hewlett recommends highlighting a quality you admire in them and to finish by reiterating that your time together will not be forgotten. If you are uncertain about the next step, enlist the help of a counsellor for relationship advice. "Ending a relationship requires serious consideration and that may involve the use of sounding boards including friends, family, or a counsellor," said Jo Lamble. "But be aware that everyone-except hopefully the counsellor - may have their own agenda for any advice they give, so that's why I suggest using others as a sounding board so you can hear your own voice, not theirs." Hewlett also suggests steering clear of your computer as not only will you have to contend with social media's abrupt defriending and unfollowing, you may be receiving an email from WotWentWrong.com, a site allowing dumpees to ask their dumpers for answers via a third party. Timing should be well chosen. Don't deliver the news on a special occasion or birthday, you don't want your ex associating that date with heartbreak and rejection forevermore. And don't do it just before they are heading off to work or an event. It makes sense that Friday is the day of the week that most break-ups happen according to the aforementioned Facebook study, as it gives you and your now-ex the weekend to help recover. To be clear why you are leaving, it might be a good idea to write yourself a detailed list with your reasons. This can be referred to later when you are feeling heartbroken after fixating on the good times. Don't say 'we need to talk'. If you want to set off alarm bells that will cause a wall to instantly come up or for the person to run a mile before you've had the chance to say what you need to say, do not speak, text or email these four dreaded words. Instead, get straight to the point, using the aforementioned feedback sandwich. So that the news is not a massive shock, Jo Lamble advises to give some warnings that you are unhappy in the time leading up to the break-up. Counsellor also suggests taking a test first. Researchers have developed a test which can predict whether a relationship is going to last. Using automatic word association, Ronald D. Rogge and associates from the University of Rochester studied 222 coupled volunteers automatic responses. The researchers found that volunteers who found it easy to associate their partner with bad things and difficult to associate the partner with good things were more likely to separate over the next year. While it is fine to give warnings, Jo Lamble advises against constant threats of leaving. If you say it, be prepared to back it up with the action. Change can be scary, so it's wise to get your hands on as much information as you can in preparation for the life-changing event. Setting boundaries is also quite vital. If asked 'can we still be friends?' know that it might be best to keep your distance for a while. Don't start looking for someone else first as that is just bad taste as you may end up facing the awkward situation of answering your own partner's want ad.